The Psychologist’s Word or Weaving Oneself through Listening to Fairy Tales

Written by Suzana Krstić, psychologist, Gestalt therapist and freelance trainer

Once upon a time, in a time before time, when we adults were children ourselves, there existed fairy tales, woven from spiderwebs, touched by fairy dust, and enriched by the wisdom of rainbow colors. Then came “real life,” painted with dark prejudices, painful rejections, and terrifying discrimination. This motivated us to grow a bit more inside, to hold hands with our inner child, to conceive some new, twisted fairy tales, and offer winding yellow brick roads to some new, grand little children.

To create magic from our beautiful and painful experiences that connects children, parents, grandparents, teachers, and all those ready to grow.

That’s what fairy tales are for. To connect, to direct, to develop, to question, to enchant, to teach. To allow children to love what they are, to accept diversity. Their own, and that of others.

One of the most demanding tasks for parents and those working with children is to help them find a sense of life, to bring more meaning into their lives. And this is one of the main functions of fairy tales. Fairy tales awaken a child’s imagination, help develop intellect, better understand their feelings, and recognize their own difficulties.

The narrative is simplified, and existential dilemmas are presented directly and concisely, allowing the child to grapple with problems in their most basic form. Paradoxically, fairy tales respect the seriousness of children’s dilemmas and troubles, helping them find solutions to their disturbing problems by discovering that even fairy tale heroes go through symbolically similar challenges.

Fairy tales are a way for a child to gain experience, not just to copy parental behavior. On the contrary, mature and realistic parents, with their attitudes, hinder children’s animistic, magical thinking, present until puberty. Children support adults’ realism, but deep inside, they want to believe that all objects, phenomena, and beings have human qualities. Fairy tales allow them this magic. In fact, they support it.

Twisted tales are not just fairy tales. They are fairy tales that push boundaries, fairy tales beyond the frame.

They do not impose a uniform thought but allow contemplation of diversity, and the hope that a child, in its own diversity, can be accepted and respected. In these fairy tales, good prevails, but in a very special, realistic way, in line with current social events, according to the wishes and capabilities of the characters. In this way, they adopt culture, become aware of their surroundings, and face new social challenges much earlier than before. There’s freedom to openly talk about things society is silent about, not in a trivial way, but by navigating through labyrinths of child’s imagination, thus reaching the center, where the child itself creates associations, and insights about phenomena these fairy tales cover. Internal processes are externalized and unfold through events and characters in fairy tales, facilitating children’s discovery of the world and development of attitudes.

All fairy tales are somewhat unfinished, leaving plenty of room for interpretation, which nourishes the child’s imagination and fosters their growth and development of personal beliefs and values.

Twisted tales are designed to enable children and adults to experience fairy tales together, those who listen with them. There’s no need to explain the meaning of fairy tales, but to be open to discuss and appreciate the child’s understanding of what they heard. Fairy tales are suggestive, they can point to solutions, but they do not express them explicitly. It is important for children to find solutions on their own, to finish the fairy tale themselves, to interpret it in a way close to them. The significance of a fairy tale for a child is destroyed if someone explains its meaning, instead of letting them come to a conclusion on their own. Whatever it is, that conclusion tells us about the inner dilemmas and challenges the child is facing. Fairy tales leave it to the child’s fantasy to decide how and in what way to apply what the story reveals about life and human nature.

Shared listening enables a conversation through which adults understand the child’s capacities, knowledge, level of awareness about phenomena these fairy tales cover. Moreover, the most important aspect of the adult-child relationship is the time spent together, the support the child receives, quality contact, as well as the tenderness and emotions exchanged.

Fairy tales can be listened to anywhere and anytime. In the morning, during school preparations, in the car, on the way to kindergarten, in a school class, on vacation, before bedtime, wherever and whenever there’s an opportunity.

Time and place are not important, what matters is openness, presence, and dedication.

These fairy tales can certainly be listened to and read by children, which allows for different approaches, in accordance with the capacity and preferences of the children.

The possibility offered by the app for every child to conceive and record their fairy tale is significant for their self-confidence, acceptance, development of creativity, and the chance to discover and search for solutions to their inner processes through imagination and play with impossible plots.

Twisted tales enable both adults and children to grow, become childlike, fly on carpets, walk through dark forests, dance, freeze, thaw, encounter numerous challenges, and ultimately, through all the labyrinths, find themselves, enriched with new insights and diversities.

By accepting the differences of others, we come to accept and love ourselves.